A Magical Birth Story for Our Second Daughter

I bet you thought I wasn't coming back, huh? This blog hasn't really had a place in my life the past several months, but I reserve the right to post when I want to :)

We celebrated our third baby's first birthday over the weekend, and since I wrote a short, positively-focused birth story as a letter to each of my other kids on birthdays in the past, I wanted to do the same thing.

Little Sister's Magical Birth Story

It was early on a chilly December morning and the whole house was asleep. You were safe and warm in the dark womb where you had been living and growing for thirty-nine weeks. Heavenly Father made a hole in the water bag that surrounded you and we knew you would be born soon. You were not ready to come out just yet. You must have been hugging your Great Aunt Anne, who we knew was leaving her earthly home soon but had not moved in just yet. We were all looking forward to meeting you and finding out if you were a boy or a girl. The midwife came to check on us. We prepared the house for your arrival, our first birth at home. We waited. Night came and we rested. Finally, the next afternoon, December 8, 2011, it was time for you to come. I welcomed the squeezing sensations that meant you were on your way. Our doula Kim came to help, and later Nan arrived and watched your older brother and sister in the next room. Darkness fell and I focused more as the birthing process gained momentum. Daddy and Kim got the tub of water ready. Our midwives came and they made sure all was well in a way that didn't get in the way. You soon began moving from the womb into the birth canal and I got in the water. I needed your Dad to help me stay relaxed and focused now, and he did wonderfully. I realized we would meet you soon, and I was so excited! My body knew just what to do to push you out, and it happened automatically. You were born underwater into your father's hands at 8:39 pm. We lifted you up and your dad said, "It's...a girl!" We were so happy to have another daughter! Nan brought your sister and brother into the room and they just loved you right away. We are so happy to have you in our family, and we love you very much.

Happy First Birthday to our sweet Little Sister!

Between Worlds: A Birth Story, Part 3

When we left me, I was kneeling on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth. I was still needing to find a comfortable position. We tried putting a stack of pillows on the floor so I could kneel leaning forward on the bed, but that didn't work for me either. Kim suggested I get on the bed and lean forward on the birth ball. That position was perfect. I used the ball to help me rock, sometimes back and forth, sometimes side to side. I started saying "peace" out loud during the pressure waves. Kim said that when I had gotten off the birth ball, the waves had suddenly gone from about 6 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart. They also let me know that Lorri was in about 25 minutes away, and Kristin was coming and bringing the assistant, Kelly, who was a nurse. I felt some strange sensations above my pubic bone--I wonder if it was the baby's head rotating or moving down. I suddenly wanted my t-shirt and pajama pants off, so I took them off, and was wearing my swimsuit top (which I had put on under my shirt after my shower that morning) and some mesh panties I found in my birth kit. Then, I sat up on the bed. It seems like a strange choice of position, but it was really comfortable at the time.

My midwife Lorri arrived. She said she would check my vitals before I got in the tub and went to get supplies. I got off the bed to go to the bathroom and then Lorri came back and took my blood pressure and temperature, and listened to the baby’s heartbeat, and all was well. I got in the tub. The tub was big and deep and I loved how I could get into all different positions in it. I took off my headphones and we played Hypnobabies out loud because I didn’t want to accidently get anything wet that wasn’t supposed to get wet. I reminded my team about the video camera, and my husband filmed me in the tub, including one pressure wave, and then went out of the bedroom and filmed the other people in the house The water in the tub was pretty hot, but I like hot water, so I didn’t really mind, until I had a few pressure waves in the tub and got really hot during them. Kim brought me a cold washcloth to put on my neck to keep me cool, but eventually I just had to get out. I think I went to the bathroom again, and then I was leaning on the side of the tub during a wave and I felt the need to yell at the peak of it. Lorri heard this, and came in. I told her I thought I was feeling pushy. She said to just try to let my body do most of the work and only push when I couldn’t help it. She asked if the water was too hot and I said yes, so she and my husband dumped in a few bowlfuls of cold water. I got back in and the temperature was much better.

Kim was filming now, and my husband knelt near the tubKristin and Kelly must have arrived around this time and came into the room and set stuff up. They were behind me and very unobtrusive. I remember turning around to make sure they were there a few times, because I guess knowing they were there was reassuring for me.

I remember reading once that in some tradition somewhere (I can't remember where), the birthing woman is thought to have to travel to the underworld to claim her baby. The beginning of pushing was definitely the most challenging part for me. Feeling that much power moving through my body was overwhelming, and I didn't quite know how to respond to it. At the peaks of the waves, when I couldn’t help pushing, I would vocalize loudly, because that seemed like the best way to release that intensity. I changed positions a lot, and loved the ease of movement in the water. I usually knelt low in the tub or was on all fours between the waves, and often during them, I had to go to a high kneel and throw my arms around my husband. He gave me Hypnobabies cues which helped me relax better. I remember apologizing for getting him wet. At one point, I was on hands and knees and lowered my face so close to the water that my bangs got wet.

Soon, I felt the baby’s head coming down and I said something like, “The baby is coming out! The baby is coming out!” It was almost like I didn't really expect the intense part to actually end, but the baby moving down meant it was definitely going to. Lorri, who was next to the tub on my left, turned to my husband and asked if he wanted to catch his baby, and he must have said he would because she started giving him instructions on how to do it. I switched from kneeling to a deep squat. With the next wave, pushing just happened. I roared, and the head became visible. I remember saying something about how excited I was that we were almost there. As the head crowned, I leaned back, letting my legs float forward in the water and my head rest against the edge of the tub, supporting myself with only my arms and head, while the rest of me floated. With the next wave, the head was out, and with the one after that, I eased the shoulders out, and out came our baby at 8:39 pm!

My husband lifted the baby out of the water, and I sat down in the tub and took my baby into my arms. He looked to see if it was a boy or girl, and exclaimed, “It’s a girl!” I was shocked because I had myslef convinced it was a boy! She gave a small cry and then got quiet and looked around.

My mom brought our two older kids in. It was neat for them to get to meet her so soon after she was born. Our son, who is 21 months, was a little more interested in the water, though, and put his hand in it (someone washed his hands), and he wanted to take his pajamas off and get in, too, but we didn't let him. The cord was short, so I was limited to holding her against me with her head on my chest, just out of the water. Lorri encouraged me to talk to the baby, so I babbled to her about all kinds of things as we waited for the placenta.

I had to push pretty hard to get the placenta out, and the membranes were trailing and full of clots. Then my husband cut the cord and Kristin helped me get out of the water and into the bed with the baby and then the baby had her first nursing. No one but me held her for over an hour after the birth. It was so peaceful and wonderful. When we weighed and measured the baby, she was 6 lbs 11 oz and 20 inches long. And perfect.


I was amazed at how minimal the damage to my body was. I didn’t tear with my second birth either, but this was even better. My vulva wasn’t even swollen and the little bit of soreness I had went away in a few days. I think it was mostly because I did mother-directed pushing this time and because the water acts as a big warm compress.

One of the names we gave our new daughter is shared with my mother-in-law’s sister, who passed away a few days later, in my mother-in-laws arms, soon after she arrived at her bedside. I am struck with the similarities between their transitions, one into, the other out of this world. I am so blessed to have been able to give my daughter a transition into this world that was gentle and loving as well as safe. Perhaps when we come out on the other side, we will be gently lifted into peace and parental love.

End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it . . . White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise. -Gandalf the White, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (film version)

Between Worlds: A Birth Story, Part 2

Thrilled and terrified at the same time, I woke my husband up in a panic and told him I needed his help to handle these waves. I texted my midwife and she said to let her know when they had been consistent for about half an hour, and I texted my doula, Kim and told her that I was ready for her to come. The time stamp on that text is 3:35 pm.

I grabbed the Hypnobabies Birth Partner Guide and opened it to the birth prompts I went to the music on my phone and turned on Easy First Stage. I wanted to get into hypnosis as fast as I could and make this easier. I switched to the relaxation music for a while and we tried the birth prompts, but it wasn't really working for us, so my husband suggested I go back to Easy First Stage since I had found it so helpful in our last birth, and he would just do the "Relax" cue during the waves. I was sitting on the birth ball leaning forward onto our bed. I felt like the ball needed more air in it, so I asked my husband to blow it up for me. It was much more comfortable when it was fully inflated. My doula got there and she timed the waves and gave me encouraging words. My husband brought me some headphones and suggested I try using them to help me focus. At first I said no, but then I decided to try it and he was right, it did help. She and my husband were kind of tag teaming making sure the kids were okay in the other room. I stayed in "OFF" between waves, except to talk or to drink my poweraid. This helped me get deeper faster. For some of the waves, I would switch to "CENTER" and bounce gently on the ball, because it felt better. As I got deeper, I tended to stay in "OFF" and breathe deeply and use my peace cue. It didn't completely relieve the discomfort, but it helped enough that I felt calm, relaxed, and in control. This was Kim's first experience with a Hypnobabies birth. She was very impressed. I finally found my confidence, just in time.

After it had been about half an hour, someone called Kristin to let her know these things were not stopping. She said the other midwife, Lorri, was on her way, and she'd also be coming shortly. I stayed on the birth ball, except to go to the bathroom, which was just a few feet away. Whenever I got up, I would have extra pressure waves that were not as strong. Whenever Kim heard me start breathing deeply, she would write down the time, then come put her hand on my shoulder. My mom called at 5:40 pm. I told her I was in labor. She had been up very early and traveling all day and wanted to go to bed, but I kind of wanted her to come over and take care of the kids, so she said she would come. She came over and that freed up my husband and doula to both stay with me.

At some point, I noticed my legs were starting to feel stiff from sitting in the same position on the ball. I let my support team know that I wanted to change positions. We tried putting pillows on a chair so I could kneel leaning forward onto the bed, but when the next pressure wave started, that wasn't comfortable and I got up and did the slow dance position with my husband. When that one was over, I exclaimed, "Nausea!" my husband asked if I wanted a bucket and I said yes, but then I just walked to the toilet and threw up there. I heard my husband explaining to Kim that in the past, vomiting has been a sign that I was getting very close. They asked me how I felt, and I said I felt better after throwing up. My husband gave me my toothbrush with toothpaste on it and a cup of water so that I could brush my teeth and rinse my mouth out. My team decided to check with the midwives again, to make sure they'd be here soon, since it looked like I was in the transformation phase.

Between Worlds: A Birth Story, Part 1

At about 5:00 am on Wednesday, December 7, I woke up to a leaking sensation. It felt like a period, or rather, it felt just like when I leaked amniotic fluid before my first birth. I got up and put on a pad and laid back down. At about 6:30, I felt a gush. Not a gush like all my fluid was coming out, but a definite gush. I texted my midwives and let them know this, and that I was not having pressure waves yet. I woke up my husband a little while later and told him that my water broke but it could still be a while before the baby came. He said that he would stay home from work. I also texted my mom, who told me she would get a flight for the next morning, thinking that if I had the baby that day, she would be there in time to take care of everything I would need postpartum. My midwife Kristin called and said she would come take my vitals and give me a Doppler so I could keep an eye on the heartbeat. She came by and she also drew some blood because she was planning to do a re-check on my iron level at my appointment on Friday. She instructed me to eat and drink well, to rinse with a hibiclens solution whenever I used the bathroom, and to take my temperature and check the hearttones every hour and just let her know when pressure waves started. She said she thought it would probably be that day.

My husband spent the day cleaning up the house, buying food for after the birth, and doing last minute homebirth set up preparations. I helped a little, but didn't want to wear myself out. Pressure waves started by that evening and were about 10 minutes apart for a while. Around 10:30 pm,still thinking the baby would come that night, I decided to try lying down and listening to Hypnobabies to try to get some rest, or at least get myself into hypnosis. I ended up in and out of sleep all night because they spaced out, but didn't completely stop. I had my ipod on a playlist of Hypnobabies tracks so that it would just keep playing while I slept. I probably would not have gotten any sleep at all that night if I had not had Hypnobabies to listen to. The pressure waves were manageable when I was awake and listening, but when one would hit while I was asleep and I was woken up by it, it was extremely uncomfortable.

I got up around 5:00 and took a shower to see if that might do something, but waves were very far apart, so I ended up going back to sleep for a while. Husband was up around 7:00 am. I was kind of getting frustrated with the waves because they seemed to be far apart but strong when I was lying down, weak and close together when I was standing up, and seemed to almost completely disappear when I was sitting. I told him I was having some fears about being able to handle it because the waves seemed stronger than in my last birth (my theory is that the difference had something to do with my water not breaking until 9 cm plus last time) and I think with them being so far apart, yet so strong, I wasn't able to get deeply into hypnosis like I had with my last birth where waves started consistently 10 minutes apart and gradually got closer and closer together. I also was a little worried that it could still be a long time before active birthing started and I would be exhausted from not getting enough sleep by then. I was conflicted--I wanted birthing waves to come consistently so that I would have energy for the birth, but I also was a little afraid of the birthing waves. I asked my husband to give me a priesthood blessing for strength and comfort and to help me know what to do.

We could tell the kids needed to get out of the house (preschool group had been cancelled both days that week, so they had been home all day most of the week), so my husband took them to the store with him to get some things. It took a while to get them ready and get out of the house, and there were a few other things he needed to take care of. We ended up needing to eat lunch before they could go. Before they left, he was also on the phone with his mom. His mom's adopted sister had recently gone into a coma due to a brain infection and she was given a very small chance of survival. My mother-in-law wanted to go to Tahiti to be with her family during this difficult time, but did not have the funds. We offered to help pay for a plane ticket for her to go. My husband wanted to get out the door with the kids, so he had her talk to me to get our credit card information and she and I had a sweet conversation. There I was, with my birthing in limbo, waiting to bring a new life into this world, while she knew she was waiting for one to leave it. Perhaps my child and his or her great aunt were both delaying their transition. Maybe there is a place between our world and the world of spirits, and they were both there, together?

After I got off the phone, I decided a nap was a good idea (it was early afternoon by this point). I got in bed and listened to Hypnobabies again. I think I did the Fear Clearing track. I knew I needed that. I got some sleep. I woke up and my husband and the kids came home. I decided to try some activity to see if it might kick start things. My husband tried to take a nap himself. I mopped my kitchen floor. Then,I stood in front of the mirror in my kids' bathroom and remembered something I had learned at the Dancing For Birth&trade Training Workshop: asymmetry. Asymmetry of the pelvis can help position the baby and bring it down. The move I started doing wasn't exactly one we learned in the training, though it was sort of similar to the mighty mama (sumo) move--I alternated raising each knee up, quickly, one and then the other, over and over, and then a strong pressure wave came, and a few minutes later, another. They were strong and they weren't stopping. This was it!

My Son's Magical Birth Story

My son is one year old today! In the spirit of Pam England's #2 Way to Change Birth in Our Culture, I wrote a magical birth story for my daughter last month to celebrate her 3rd birthday. I decided to also write one for my son to celebrate his birth today.

My Son's Magical Birth Story

After we moved to a new state while I was pregnant with you, I found a really great obstetrician, Dr. I, who I knew would help us have the best birth possible. I was really looking forward to your birth, as I used Hypnobabies to prepare to have a gentle birth without having to use medication. The first time I listened to the Hypnobabies Special Place relaxation track, you became very active in the womb and I knew you wanted me to know you were your own unique spirit who would bring something special to our family.

The day before you were born, I felt a need to get the house ready for you, so I did some cleaning. When I woke up from taking a nap with your sister that afternoon, I began to feel the pressure waves telling me you were on your way to meet us. I listened to the Special Place track again and you moved a lot again during it and I felt very connected to you.

As your father drove me to the hospital late that night, it was cold, but clear out. Dr. I and our nurse Dianne did a wonderful job creating a calm atmosphere in the room where you would be born, just like I wanted. My womb was very close to completely opened when we arrived in the room. The water that surrounded you in the womb came out of the birth canal not long before you did. Your father's kisses helped me relax so that I could open the last bit I needed to for you to come out. You were truly born into a room full of love. With no medication numbing me, I felt very deeply "in the moment" as you came into the world into the hands of Dr. I. Before you were even all the way out, I reached down and grabbed you under your arms and pulled you up to me so that I could hold you. I was so happy you were here and so proud of myself for having a drug-free birth. Your dad did such an amazing job supporting me while I gave birth to you. He was so excited and proud to meet his first born son. You looked at him like you knew him already.

I hope you will learn from the example shown you by your father of how to love a wife, and grow up to be just as wonderful of a husband and father as he is.

I love you, my Little Man, Happy First Birthday!

Photo by Jordan and Chelsea (JCPhotography, Utah)

Two Quick Things

1. Rixa of Stand and Deliver had her baby! It's a girl! Part 1 of the birth story, including video of her catching her own baby, is up on her blog. Rixa uses the Hypnobabies program some, but adapts it to fit her own needs. She has said before that she doesn't use it to try to avoid feeling pain, but to instead embrace whatever sensations she experiences.

2. MamAmor dolls is having a giveaway! If you don't know about MamAmor, you should! They are handcrafted dolls that can be pregnant, give birth, and breastfeed. Check out the MamAmor Doll Shop to see some of the dolls and doll accessories. Also, see Rixa's review of the custom doll she ordered for her daughter as a gift to celebrate the birth of the new baby. Then go to the Doll Giveaway at the MamAmor Blog, and enter to win the contest to win this $135 doll for FREE (you only pay shipping!)

Three years ago today...

...I gave birth for the first time. That's right, my baby girl is three years old today. We are doing the celebration with a little party with a few friends on Saturday. I have spent a lot of time thinking and writing about her birth over the past three years--trying to understand exactly what happened and why it happened, how I felt and what caused me to feel that way. I even wrote a very extensive paper about it for my doula training course. In the end, I realize that it really was a good birth. Would I do some things differently if I were doing it all again with the knowledge I have now? Yes. But what happened is what happened and it was really not bad. I really was not adequately prepared for labor and I think that even without the pitocin, I would have needed to re-evaluate my plans for unmedicated birth when I got into active labor. I really believe that.

Pam England, author of Birthing From Within, has a blog called Birth Peeps. Her current theme for her blog is Fifty Ways to Change Birth in Our Culture. Change #2 was Tell Children A Magical Story of Their Birth, and I really love the idea.

So, here is my daughter's magical birth story:

I wanted to have the best chance at a great birth for you, so I switched to a group of midwives late in my pregnancy. I was supposed to try to see all the midwives at least once before you were born, but through some random chances, I ended up seeing, one midwife, Mindy, a lot more than any of the others. I think our Heavenly Father knew that you would be born when it was Mindy's turn to be at the hospital, and it was a blessing that she knew us as well as she did.

The night you were born was very dark and there was snow on the ground outside. Your dad and your Grandma were there in the room. The room had a big window with a view of the Mt. Timpanogos temple, which was all lit up. The curtains were open, and the light from the House of God guided you into the world.

When it was time for you to be born, my womb opened and you came down my birth canal and into midwife Mindy's hands. She put you on my belly. I was so happy you were here. I looked at the window, and I saw the reflection of me holding you, while the temple glowed in the distance. I pray that the Lord's Holy House will always be your guiding light.

I love you, Princess, Happy Birthday!

Photo 12/23/2010 by JC Photography

First birth as a doula!

Please forgive the detour from the schedule of posts I had planned. I just have to share that I had my first birth as a doula early this morning. The timing was perfect for me because my family was all sleeping the whole time I was gone. Everything went very well. It was a really fast birth, so I didn't have much time to provide support, but I feel lucky to have gotten to be there. And I got to cut the cord!

A Birthy Thanksgiving

I found out that Preparing for Birth is doing a blog carnival for Thanksgiving on being grateful for our birth experiences, so I'm joining in. I have so much to be thankful for with my births, both good and bad.

In my First Pregnancy and Birth:

• I'm grateful that I found information about natural childbirth. The paradigm shift I experienced changed me forever, and having had both a pro-epidural and low intervention attitude, I understand better where people are coming from.
  
• I'm grateful that I asked questions of the OB I had been seeing and realized his policies were not good obstetric medicine so that I didn't end up giving birth with him as my provider.
• I'm grateful that I found a wonderful midwife group who took me at 34 weeks and were very supportive and made me feel comfortable.
  
• I'm grateful that I learned how harmful going to the hospital too early can be.
• I'm grateful that I experienced pitocin induction, so I can sympathize with other women who have had it.
  
• I'm grateful that I had an epidural, both because it was what I needed at the time and because it taught me to be able to tell other women that sometimes the epidural is the best choice for that particular birth.
• I'm grateful that my epidural worked as it should, not too numb and not ineffective, and my baby was born without needing any further intervention.
• I'm grateful that I tore so I can empathize with women recovering with perineal stitches.
• I'm grateful that my husband was exactly what I needed him to be through the whole experience.
• I'm grateful that my birth experience was not exactly what I wanted because it inspired me to prepare more for my second birth and was part of what inspired me to pursue a career as a birth professional.
  
• I'm grateful for my beautiful, healthy little girl, who is now almost three.

For My Second Pregnancy and Birth:

• I'm grateful that I ended up with an amazing OB, who restored my faith in the profession.
• I'm grateful that I experienced the benefits of using Hypnobabies during my pregnancy
• I'm grateful that I can compare pitocin induction to spontaneous labor.
  
• I'm grateful that I got to labor as long as I did in the comfort of my own home.
• I'm grateful that I learned that I had the power to make my birth much more comfortable with focus and relaxation.
• I'm grateful that I progressed smoothly and arrived at the hospital at 8 cm, which further removed the temptation of pain relief.
• I'm grateful that I didn't know I was GBS positive so I didn't go to the hospital earlier, and that my baby was still healthy.
• I'm grateful that I learned how hard it can be to maintain focus with hospital distractions.
• I'm grateful that I wasn't able to keep using my Hypnobabies during second stage so I can understand how intense natural childbirth can be.
• I'm grateful that I did not tear and got to experience how much smoother recovery goes with an intact perineum.
  
• I'm grateful that my nurse carefully read my birth plan.
• I'm grateful that my husband exceeded my expectations as a birth partner.
• I'm grateful that my mother-in-law did not circumcise my husband, so my husband and I easily agreed to leave our son intact.
• I'm grateful that my experience with this birth reinforced my interest in becoming a Hypnobabies Instructor.
  
• I'm grateful for my beautiful, healthy 8 month old boy, who thinks he is a toddler already.

My babies have truly brought me a cornucopia of blessings :)

painting by Jan van Kessel the Elder [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Marwa's Hypnobabies Birth Story--a must read!

Check out Marwa's Birth Story on the Hypnobabies Blog. Her story is just full of surprises!

Painless Childbirth, revisited

Lately, my Understanding "Painless" Childbirth post has gotten a lot of attention. I'm so glad, because much of what is in it is so important for women to know. I have gotten a few comments from women who experienced painless childbirth without hypnosis. I think these stories are awesome and they fit right in with the ideology that birth doesn't have to be painful. Here is one of the comments, explaining the various degrees of comfort for her five births.

[. . . ]I experienced almost painless childbirth with and without drugs and never used hypnosis. I think it is different for everyone..[. . . ]In five births, number one and two were painless with drugs. Number three was painful. Number four was not painful until the last ten seconds and number five was painless

I just started focusing on reassuring the baby and the surges never got painful with four and five. The crowning was not painful on number three and number five.

The contractions hurt on number three (possibly because I was panting to keep the baby in on the dash to the hospital.)

Notice her theory that fighting against what her body wanted to do in order to get to the hospital before giving birth may have caused more pain that was necessary. I have been meaning to write about why I feel my second birth became uncomfortable during second stage, after I was almost completely comfortable for first stage, including transition.

My birth plan said "limit vaginal exams to those I request, unless necessary for a medical decision." This request was ignored soon after my OB started to tell I was getting pushy. She had me get into a good position to be checked (big mistake #1 was getting into that position in the first place, big mistake #2 was not getting out of it) and when I was found to have just a lip of cervix left, she continued to check periodically without saying anything. I didn't really mind much at the time since I was really focused on relaxing through the waves, but I do understand why some women feel violated by things like that. I had read about the flaws of the rule of 10 and wanted to be able to push a little if I felt like it even though I was not "10 centimeters." At first, my OB's advice supported this, and she encouraged me to push only as much as I felt I had to. The waves felt different and I began to vocalize through them, because it felt better to, but I was still using my hypnosis and staying comfortable. I don't know how much time passed, but she must have gotten impatient, so she wanted to try holding back the lip of cervix and having me push, which was extremely uncomfortable.

All of you who work with birthing women, this is important, during birthing, our brains sometimes don't clearly interpret what you mean when you say things to us. When trying to hold back the lip of cervix didn't make it go away, my OB told me to try not to push, though I think now she must have meant to only push as much as I had to, but in my confused birth-brain, I read it as "don't push at all" which was very different from what my body was telling me to do, and I think greatly increased the discomfort and, I dare say, pain that I experienced. It is likely that the fighting my body and the confusion caused the pain, not necessarily the pressure waves. When she started telling me I could push, obviously that implied the lip was gone, but again, I had birth-brain. This (and not getting out of that bed) is why I think I ended up needing to be coached to push him out. Once I started really pushing, it wasn't really painful anymore. Crowning didn't really hurt to me either, just felt like really intense stinging.

Here is another comment from a woman who experienced a painless birth:

I had a painless birth with my fifth baby. It was so painless that I didn't realize it was real until he was crowing. (Luckily my husband recognized subtle changes in my mood and called the midwife, who arrived just in time.)

I did not do hypnosis. I just practiced relaxing my perineum with each braxton hicks. When I was lying in bed, in active labor, I thought I was having BH contractions so I just kept relaxing my perineum.

It didn't even hurt when he was crowning. I tore a little and that stung but not bad at all.

For the record: My son was 10lb 6oz and I have a ridiculously low pain threshold

That is pretty amazing. Her comments illustrate beautifully that women do not have to have an unusually strong ability to endure pain to have enjoyable natural birth experiences--it is not an issue of how much pain you can take, but how you choose to think about the sensation you're experiencing.

In both this story and the previous, the moms did not have the painless experience until they had already been through birth before. These women have probably found a solution to the fear problem by experiencing birth. Since they have done it before, they don't need to fear the unknown. Thinking you're not really in labor would probably reduce the fear, too.

Here is another one, from a midwife

[. . .] I had painless childbirth with all my babies. I think it was because I did unassisted births and no one talked to me or touched me while in active labor. I was able to go into the zone and time seemed to stand still. But every time I looked at the clock an hour had gone by. When it was over I felt like I had just had the best sex ever. I was 17 and had a 5 and 1/2 hour labor with my first.

As a midwife, I try to allow my moms to go to that zone, but I also have to listen to the baby, give drinks of water, etc. I tell my apprentices not to talk to her, just support as they see a need and be aware of the mom's response.

I have discussed unassisted birth before. I do think that women are likely to have more comfortable birth experiences if they can be undisturbed. Undisturbed birth does not necessarily have to be unattended. If a doctor or midwife can act as a lifeguard, then a "best of both worlds" birth is possible. The benefits being able to stay focused and follow your instincts while still having a knowledgeable expert available to step in if they are needed. This appears to be how this midwife practices and teaches her apprentices to practice.

My Son's Birth

I did the homestudy program from Hypnobabies to prepare for this birth. I really enjoyed Hypnobabies during my pregnancy. It includes daily relaxation practice, which I often used to help me relax and fall asleep. It helped me bond with my baby and look forward to his birth. It also had tools for helping me get rid of my fears and helped me have more confidence in myself.

For those reading this who are unfamiliar with Hypnobabies, one of the concepts taught in it is that words have power. Many words commonly used in pregnancy and birth have negative associations in many people’s minds. Hypnobababies replaces these words with other words, in an effort to help you be more positive. I will be using these words during my story. Instead of “contraction,” I use “pressure waves.” I also avoid using the words “labor” and “delivery,” calling it “birthing” instead, and I try to avoid using the word “pain” when talking about birth.

For those reading who are studying Hypnobabies, you may or may not need to use your bubble of peace. I would label my birth “mostly comfortable.” Hypnobabies definitely worked for me, but there were times when I got off track and had discomfort, and I really struggled a lot during the pushing phase. Honestly, there were times during my birthing when if someone asked at the time if I was having “pain,” I probably would have said yes, but most of the time I was comfortable and felt very calm and relaxed.

On Friday, March 5, 2010, I woke up around 4:00 a.m. having pressure waves. I tried listening to my Hypnobabies tracks to see if I could fall back asleep, but after about an hour, I decided to get up because if the baby was going to come today, I was going to need to get a few last minute things together for my hospital bag. I found the charger for my digital camera battery, and I sat on my birth ball at the computer, printed out some extra copies of my birth preferences, and plugged in my ipod so it could charge. I got on the internet and did some stuff and tried to time the pressure waves with the “contraction master” website, but they seemed to weaken while I was on the ball and were sort of hard to time.

A couple hours later, my husband Tiatia got up to go to work, and then my 2 year old daughter got up. My pressure waves had pretty much stopped by this point. My daughter and I had breakfast. I think we ate some of the blueberry muffins we had made as a project the day before. I put on a few shows for her on the DVR and I did some cleaning. I loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen, including mopping the floor. Then I felt tired, so I sat down and folded a load of laundry that I’d washed the day before. My daughter and I had some chicken noodle soup for lunch.

Around 1:00 p.m., after starting a load of laundry, I read my daughter some books and then I put a Hypnobabies track on out loud and I laid down with her and we both had a nap. I woke once during the nap to a pressure wave but went back to sleep and then had another one when I woke up around 2:30 and I think one or two more while I was lying down. My pre-birth waves mostly came at night or early in the morning, so having waves during the day was unusual for me. They were also strong enough that I was wondering if hypnosis was going to work. I used my lightswitch and peace cue and it really helped me feel more comfortable during them. I suspected that it would soon be time to meet my baby. I got up and put on my headphones and listened to Birthing Day affirmations while I did some more cleaning and preparing. I moved the load of laundry to the dryer, straightened up the living room, and got together My daughter’s clothes and things she would need for staying with friends while we were at the hospital.

My daughter woke up and I think she played with toys for a little while. I hadn’t had any cervical checks from my doctor, but I had tried to feel my cervix myself. It had felt soft and slightly open about a week before. I decided to check it again and it felt softer and more open now, if I had to guess, I’d say about 3 cm, and I could feel how The baby’s head was now against it. I had noticed that he felt lower on Thursday morning, and at my appointment that day, Dr. I. felt my belly and said that his head was engaged. A piece of brown-tinged mucus plug came out on my fingers when I checked myself. I started to finish packing my hospital bag, but all the stuff I needed would not fit in the bag I had already started to pack. I tried transferring it to another bag, but it wouldn’t all fit in that one either.

I realized the waves were coming pretty frequently, so I decided to time them. I got on the computer on the birth ball. Pressure waves were about every 6 minutes apart. I knew it was the real thing now. My phone rang during a pressure wave and I wasn’t able to answer it. I was Tiatia. He was probably calling to tell me he was getting off work and would be home soon. I called him back, but he didn’t answer. I sent him a text saying I thought we’d be going to the hospital tonight, but I don’t think he got it. The idea of getting in the bath sounded really good to me. I put on a DVD for My daughter (I normally try to limit her TV viewing, but I made an exception that day) and I filled the tub and put in a few drops of lavender oil, which I had been putting in my scent diffuser during my Hypnobabies practice to help with relaxation. I put my laptop in the bathroom so I could play my Hypnobabies tracks while I was in the tub. I put on “Painless Childbirth” (which I think is called “Comfortable Childbirth” in the 6^th edition) and lied down in the tub and relaxed.

I’d brought my phone in the bathroom and Tiatia called again. He could tell I sounded different and I told him I was having pressure waves that were pretty intense. He asked when I thought the baby was coming, and I told him either late that night or early the next morning. I told him I was in the tub. It turns out he had stopped at the Redbox on his way home and picked up a movie for us to watch that night. Yeah, that didn’t end up happening. He got home a few minutes later and came in the bathroom to check on me and I told him I was coping fine. He watched Our daughter for a while and I guess he fed her macaroni and cheese and he also got together a bag with clothes and toiletries for himself and packed phone chargers, the video camera, the laptop, and the digital camera with it’s now fully charged battery.

I listened to “Deepening” next, and continued to handle the pressure waves very well. I really wouldn’t describe what I was experiencing as painful, and I felt really in-control. Doing the deep slow breathing and using the “peace” cue while imagining anesthesia going to my lower belly (where I felt the majority of the sensation of the waves) really helped. I got into some different positions in the tub. I sat cross-legged and I also kneeled . After “Deepening” I listened to “Special Place” and I felt my baby move around during it, just like he did the first time I listened to it when I felt so connected to him that I got tears in my eyes.

Towards the end of the track, I lost my focus during a few waves and they started feeling really uncomfortable. I called out that I needed help and Tiatia came in. I told him it was really intense and I didn’t know if I could do it. I almost started crying. I was scared. He asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, and I said I did. He started making phone calls to get our daughter taken care of. I got out of the tub and got dressed. I divided the stuff I needed to take to the hospital between my two bags and put my lavender oil and my phone in one of them. Then I got my ipod and my headphones, and realizing that I needed something more than the regular tracks, I put on the Birth Guide. I regained my focus and was once again able to handle the waves. I sat on the birth ball in the living room and leaned forward on the arm of the couch. I told Tiatia I needed a drink, so he gave me a little bottle of apple juice and I took sips of it between waves.

A friend came to get our daughter who and really did not want to leave. I went over to her and gave her a hug and told her it would be okay, but she didn’t believe me. The friend asked if my water had broken and I told her it hadn’t yet, then a pressure wave started, while I was still kneeling on the kitchen floor, and I had to close my eyes and do my deep breathing. She asked, “How far apart are they?” and I couldn’t answer her, both because I was still having the wave and because I didn’t know, I hadn’t been timing them. Somehow Tiatia got into our friend’s car. He came back and asked me how I was doing and I said I was feeling more in-control now. I told him I wanted him to help me time the waves. We went in the bedroom and I turned on a lamp instead of the light so that it wouldn’t be too bright. I sat on the birth ball and put pillows on the bed and leaned forward on the pillows. Tiatia timed the waves with the stopwatch on his phone. I told him I also wanted him to use the “relax” cue on my shoulder. I once again lost focus during a few of the waves and made some noise, but the “relax” helped me relax and focus and I got back to feeling like the waves were only pressure and my anesthesia was working. We discovered that the waves were between 2 and 3 minutes apart and were all lasting over a minute. I was still able to talk calmly between the waves. We decided it was probably a good time to head to the hospital. I said we needed to call Dr. I. and told Tiatia where her number was. At first, he wanted me to call her, but I told him to do it. He called and told her we were going in and how close together the waves were. She said she’d meet us there.

Tiatia loaded everything into the car, and I made sure we got the extra pillows and the birth ball. I also brought my apple juice. I got in the back seat of our mini SUV and we took the headrest off the front seat put a pillow on top of it and leaned forward. I continued listening to the “Easy First Stage” track. I was actually quite comfortable during the 25 minute car ride, which was amazing because I remembered being very uncomfortable in the car last time. When we left the house it was around 9:00 pm.

We parked and Tiatia carried a bunch of our stuff in. We walked in and Tiatia told the receptionist at the ER admitting desk who we were. She called the maternity center and told us they’d be coming to get us. She asked if I wanted to walk or ride in the wheelchair, and I said I thought I’d be fine walking. She put a hospital bracelet on me, during a wave, of course. While we waited for them to come get us, I was standing there, drinking sips of juice between waves, and during them I’d lean on Tiatia and he’d say “relax” to me. It felt wonderful to feel so relaxed and in control. I remember telling Tiatia that they felt like they were coming right on top of each other now, since they were so close together and lasting so long, but I didn’t say it like I was afraid, it was just an observation. It seemed like it was taking a long time for them to come and we started to wonder what the hold up was. The receptionist called them again.

When they finally came for us, they asked again if I wanted the wheelchair and I decided to get it because I remembered from when we came to preregister that it was a pretty long way and the waves were so close together I’d have to stop a lot. Riding in the chair, I was able to keep doing what I had been doing. We got to the LDRP room (not a triage room like I went to first at the hospital where I had my daughter, which I was glad of), and they already had the lights dimmed for us and Dr. I. was there. Once the pressure wave I was having was over, I got out of the chair and our nurse, Dianne, gave me instructions on giving a urine sample and how to wear the hospital gown. I had another pressure wave and leaned forward on the cabinet that contained the fetal monitor machine. Then I said I brought my own nightgown to wear, and she said that said was fine. I told Tiatia which bag it was in, and he gave the bag to me. I took the cup and my bag and gave the sample and got changed.

Dr. I. had me get in the bed so they could put the monitors on me and she could check me. She said that if I needed to move during waves, I could. It turned out I was able to use my hypnosis to stay comfortable in the bed (with the head of it raised) during pressure waves, which is something I couldn’t do during the unmedicated part of my first birthing. Dr. I. checked me and, drum roll, please…I was 8 centimeters! I looked at Tiatia and said how happy I was to be so far along. He had a big smile on his face. Dr. I. showed me how big that was on the dilation chart. She asked Dianne to get a birth ball (we’d left mine in the car—one man can only carry so much) so I could sit on it, which sounded great to me. I sat on the ball and leaned forward on the bed.

Dr. I. asked what the results of my GBS culture had been and I said she’d never told me, so I’d assumed negative. Someone came to take my blood, and I barely felt it. Then Dr. I. said they were going to need to give me an IV for antibiotics because it turns out I tested positive for GBS . At first I said “okay,” but then I said I wasn’t sure if I wanted the antibiotics because I’d done reading on it and there are risks to the antibiotic use, too. Dr. I. said that the antibiotic they use is mild and that it would be to protect the baby. I agreed to get it, and now I do think that was the right decision because had I known I was positive beforehand, I would have done natural remedies to make it less likely for the baby to be infected. Dr. I. said that it was good that my water hadn't broken yet, since the membranes being intact for longer reduces the risk of infection, and she said it would be best to (as I'd requested) wait until it broke on its own.

It took at least 4 tries and 3 different people to get an IV in me. Apparently the veins in my hands are deceptive—they look great, but when you try to put the needle in, it doesn’t work. They ended up putting it on my left forearm. Getting stuck multiple times was really uncomfortable and quite frustrating, so I was relieved when they got it in.

After that, the memories are not completely clear. I remember Dr. I. suggested some different positions. I know I stood leaning forward for a few waves. Someone was behind me with their hands on my hips, but I have no idea who it was. I think after that she wanted me to try kneeling, so she adjusted the bed so that I could kneel on the foot of it and rest my head and arms on the middle part. I think that when I went to get into that position is when I vomited all over the floor, but I knew that was a good sign, a sign that I was nearing full dilation, and I also had read that the act of throwing up can help your body open up faster. I remember saying that I felt better after throwing up. I also remember saying I felt shaky, and Dianne said that meant I might be in transition. The kneeling position was comfortable, and I was still very focused and relaxed, using my hypnosis, restarting the “Easy First Stage” track on my ipod whenever it ended. I think Dr. I. checked me in this position and I was 9 cm.

Soon I started to say “Ah” at the peaks of the pressure waves, and Dr. I. asked if I was feeling rectal pressure and I wasn’t yet. Then a few waves later I said I was starting to feel it. Sometime around this time, “Easy First Stage” ended again and I let “Pushing Baby Out” start playing. Dr. I. had me get back in the semi-seated position and checked me again, and she said there was a lip on my cervix and the baby’s head needed to rotate a little more. I continued to “Ah” all through the waves, and that felt good. I think Dr. I. had me get on my side. She told me that if I really felt I needed to push at the peaks of the waves, I could.

After a while, she checked again, and the lip was still there, so she tried having me push while she held back the lip. That was very uncomfortable and it didn’t work. It was during this that my water finally broke. She told me to try not to push for a while. Now that I had pushed, I felt like I needed to keep pushing. From this point on, I was never able to really get back in the peaceful place I had been before. It also didn’t help that I had never actually listened to “Pushing Baby Out” all the way through to make sure it was okay and it turns out the track on my iPod was incomplete, so it would just stop in the middle of something. I felt panicked and very out of control and was not comfortable at all. As the waves would peak, I’d yell “I CAN’T NOT PUSH!” and would try to push only as much as I absolutely had to. Dianne had to tell me to slow down my breathing so I wouldn’t hyperventilate. At one point, Tiatia kissed me (if you’re unfamiliar with why this is helpful, read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin), and that did help me relax some. I was touched that he thought to do that, that he actually had paid attention to some of the stuff I’d shared with him from my reading. I also switched from “Pushing Baby Out” to “Deepening” because I wasn’t supposed to push yet, and then I never went back to “Pushing Baby Out.”

Somehow I got past the really intense part of not being able to push and moved on to the really intense part of trying to push. Dr. I. said I could change positions if I wanted (I was now back to semi-seated), but I didn’t want to move. Dianne pulled some handles up from underneath the bed and told me I could hold on to them while I pushed. I started pushing, but the way I was pushing wasn’t working. Dr. I. noticed I was tightening my pelvic floor, so she and Dianne had to tell me to relax that area and focus on pushing with my abdominal muscles. Dianne got right in my face and Dr. I. told me to look at her. She told me to hold my breath and push. She did count to 10 during some of the pushes, but for most of them she didn’t count and I only pushed as long as I felt I could, and for some of them I did breathe out instead of holding my breath. Dianne also told me not to start pushing when the wave started, but to wait until it built. I was not able to relax the rest of my body while pushing, and as a result, I was very sore the next day. I also burst a blood vessel in my eye.

At some point during the pushing phase, Dr. I. said something about wanting to put in an internal fetal monitor because the external one wasn’t doing a good job of tracking his heart rate. At first I said “okay,” but then my inner advocate kicked in and I said I didn’t want the monitor screwed on my baby’s head. Dr. I. told Dianne to adjust the external monitor and it picked his heart rate up better. I was glad I stood up for my baby.

Once I got pushing figured out, it wasn’t too long before I felt him in the birth canal. The feeling when he crowned was very, very intense. It didn’t feel like burning to me, though, it felt like the perineal massage (a gentle version) I had done a few times, only about 10 times more intense. Looking back on it, the feeling was kind of cool, but at the moment I really wanted it to be over. I wanted to keep pushing, but Dr. I. told me that my perineum would stretch better if I waited for the next pressure wave. His head was out with the next wave and I had to keep pushing his body. I remember Tiatia reminding me to breathe in, because I just wanted to keep pushing.

Our son was born at 1:47 am. I reached down and pulled him up onto my own belly, which is something I had wanted to do ever since I’d seen it on a video. They put a towel on him and I talked to him and rubbed is back. He was a little purple and not crying. The other nurse, whose name I didn’t get, told me she was going to have to take him. Dr. I. clamped the cord and Tiatia cut it. Tiatia later told me that the nurse had suctioned The baby and given him oxygen. He took a video and some pictures. Dr. I. had me push out the placenta. Then, she and Dianne started doing uterine massage, and my uterus wasn’t firming up and I was bleeding too much. The baby wasn’t ready to breastfeed yet, so they put pitocin in my IV. Dr. I asked if I wanted it in a shot instead, but since the IV was already running, I said it was fine to do it that way. A little while later, I was still bleeding more than they like to see, so Dianne gave me a shot of methergine in my thigh.

When the baby was ready, the nurse brought him back to me before dressing him so I could hold him skin-to-skin. He latched right on and has done a great job nursing ever since. After we had some time to nurse and bond, the nurse weighed him and he was 7 lbs 10 oz—7 oz bigger than his sister was. She diapered, dressed, and swaddled him. Dr. I. showed me the placenta, which was really cool. She showed the maternal side and the membranes that held my baby as he grew. This was really interesting to me.

I felt amazing after the birth. The hormone rush was really awesome feeling. I was so proud of myself for doing it unmedicated and for feeling so in control for much of the time. I really believe I couldn’t have done it without Hynobabies. Dr. I. told me that she thought I should get certified to teach the program like I had told her I was considering doing if I found it helpful during my birth. I was up taking a shower soon after. It felt really good to be able to shower. It was a little difficult still having the IV attached because I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown, so I had to leave one strap of my nightgown around the IV line, and when I tried to put the nightgown back on, it got all tangled around the line and Dianne had to help me fix it.

Because of my positive GBS status and only getting one dose of antibiotics (you’re supposed to get 2 doses, 4 hours apart, but I wasn’t at the hospital long enough), they wanted to keep The baby in the hospital for 48 hours to watch him for signs of infection, since about 80 percent of newborn GBS infections show up during that time period. I loved that I didn’t have to switch rooms at all during my hospital stay and that, because the same nurses who help with the births also do postpartum care, on our last night we got to see Dianne again.

Dianne said she had read my birth preferences and I could tell she really made an effort to follow them. She told us that the reason she left us in the ER waiting room so long was because my birth preferences said I didn’t want it loud and she wanted to do all the noisy room set up before they brought me in. She also said how surprised she was when Dr. I. said I was 8 centimeters, because I wasn’t acting like it. We talked about how difficult my pushing phase was, and Dianne said that it looked like I was actually pushing right, and The baby just wasn’t coming down. She said normally women don’t need to push with their abdominal muscles. She said she was actually thinking they were going to need to use the vacuum extractor, but she hadn’t suggested it because she knew I wanted minimal intervention. Tiatia mentioned that he’d actually yelled “relax” at me when I was panicking, and Dianne said that caused me to suddenly focus. I don’t even remember that, but I guess my subconscious recognized the cue, so my hypnosis training did help more than I thought it did during pushing.

Our son is a very cute and so far is a good baby. His birth was an amazing experience that taught me so much about the capabilities of my mind and body.

My Daughter's Birth

My first birth story, written soon after her birth (I removed her name from it, though):

Thursday, January 31, 2008

When I woke up I felt like some liquid was trickling out of me and thought that I might have been leaking amniotic fluid. I knew I had a midwife appointment that day, so I wasn't too worried about it. I was also having some contractions--they were about 10-15 minutes apart for a while, but then I didn't feel any for a while, and then I feel back asleep. I went to my appointment and the midwife Mindy did some tests to determine if amniotic fluid was present and they came back negative, but she said that the tests could just not be picking it up, and if I still felt like I was leaking later, I should call the midwife on call and probably go to the hospital to have them check it. She checked my cervix and said that I was 1.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced with the baby at -2 station, which is a big change from the previous week were my cervix was high and closed. I knew it didn’t really tell me anything, but was is nice to know I was making progress.

Friday, February 1, 2008

I woke up at 2:00 am and once again I felt liquid come out and my underwear was wet. I started having contractions that were definitely different from Braxton-Hicks contractions. I called Abby, the midwife on call, and she was with another patient at the other hospital where the midwives also attend births, but she told me to go to the hospital and get checked. I went in and got hooked up to the monitors and they checked to see if my membranes were ruptured. The test with the litmus paper said it still wasn't amniotic fluid. Some of my contractions didn't register on the monitor, but the nurse told me that happens a lot. I was dilated to 2 cm now and still about 80% effaced--so that was some progress. My blood pressure readings were a little high, but I think it was all the nerves and excitement. They called Abby, and she said just to give me a paper with warning signs of pre-eclampsia (none of which I had) and send me home until my labor was more advanced. The nurse used that thing that startles the baby to get a few more good accelerations on the strip, and then sent me home.

We stopped at the grocery store on our way home. We got some gatorade, candy, and a few other random things. I got a lot of contractions while we were walking and I delt with them just fine, but they did hurt. I came home and sat on my birth ball at the computer for a little while, and sitting like that was nice, bouncing seemed to help, too. At 6:00 am, I called work and let them know I wouldn’t be coming in because I was in labor (I knew I couldn’t take care of a room full of three year olds while having these contractions) Then I listened to my relaxation CD that came with the copy of the Hypnobirthing book I bought and went to sleep for a little while.

When I woke up a few hours later, I let Tiatia continue to sleep for a while and I ate breakfast, watched two episodes of Gilmore Girls on DVD and took a bath. I wasn’t having many contractions now. I ate lunch and Tiatia woke up. I decided I needed to do something, so I did a load of dishes, cleaned the counters in our little kitchen and swept the floor. Then I cleaned the mirror, counters, and sink in the bathroom. I guess my nesting instinct had finally showed up. My contractions seemed to pick up quite a bit with all of that moving around. I found it really helpful to breathe deeply and to bounce on my ball during them. Tiatia’s sister Heiporo invited us over for pizza, so we went and brought my ball with us. I felt like I needed to urinate after every contraction I had, and when I went to the bathroom there was bloody show every time. At one point, I lay down on Tiatia’s lap on the couch and fell asleep. I don’t know how long I slept, but I definitely needed it.

When we got home from Heiporo’s, my contractions seemed more frequent and they were intense. Tiatia suggested I get in the tub, so I did. The water was nice and relaxing. I found sitting sideways in the tub with my legs crossed to be comfortable, and during contractions I would lean forward against the side of the tub and breathe deeply. Tiatia got a cup and poured water over the parts of me that were out of the water. He got me a glass of water to drink, too. He had to work on some homework, and I was doing fine, so I sat in the tub by myself for a while. I wanted to listen to the playlist of relaxation music I had on the iPod, so Tiatia set up our iHome in the bathroom and I just sat there listening to the music and breathing, and by this time it was after midnight.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

I tried to keep track of how close together my contractions were with the clock on the iHome, but it got to a point were the contractions were too distracting to remember the times. I was also feeling a little nauseated at this point. When Tiatia came to check on me, I had him sit with me and write down the start and stop times for the contractions. They were averaging four minutes apart and lasting about a minute each, so after timing them for about an hour, I got out of the tub and called Claudia, who was now the midwife on call. She said it was up to me if I wanted to go to the hospital or not and that I’d probably be okay to stay home for a little while. She could tell from how composed I sounded that I was handling things fine. It was about 3:00 am by now.

Tiatia decided to put on a movie, so I tried to rest and watch the movie. I couldn’t lie down during strong contractions, though, so when I felt them, I got up and bounced on my birth ball. We watched the movie for about two hours (it was a long movie) and then I just felt like I wasn’t handling the contractions that well anymore. I think it was the lack of sleep that caused me to get the shakes. I think the contractions had spaced out a little now, but I was just feeling out of control, so we decided to go ahead and go to the hospital. Heiporo had volunteered to come with us to the hospital and help out, so we went and picked her up and headed to the hospital. It was almost 6:00 am when we got there and I got in to triage. They hooked me up to the monitors and took my vitals and all of that.

The time I was in triage is a bit of a blur. I remember the nurses checked me and found that I was still only about 2 cm, but was now fully effaced. They let me rest for a while because Mindy’s on call shift would be starting at 8:00 am so they said they were going to let her sleep a little longer. I listened to my relaxation CD and it helped a lot. Tiatia and Heiporo said that there were contractions measuring on the monitor, but I don’t think I really felt them. I don’t remember what the nurse was doing when she noticed a little puddle of fluid under me, and said “I think your water broke.” This time, the test was positive for amniotic fluid, so they had to keep me. While I waited for Mindy to get to the hospital, I rested again, listening to my music. This time the contractions spaced out.

When Mindy got there, she tested me again and I was, in fact, leaking amniotic fluid. I’m pretty sure I had been leaking since Thursday, but Mindy could count time of rupture of membranes as when the hospital had found it, 7:15 am. She told me that it looked like my contractions had slowed down, and said she may need to give me pitocin. I cried and told her that I really did not want pitocin, that I wanted to get up and walk around and see if activity could get my contractions going like it had on Friday and she said I could do that.

They got us checked in to a room. I think I was the only one there at the time, so they gave us the one with the view of the Mt. Timpanogos temple because Heiporo had said we wanted that one. The nurse was really nice and got me a birth ball (we had left mine in the car) and told me that she would do intermittent monitoring of the baby, which she did by holding the monitor on my belly with her hand (or letting me hold it there). She also said that if I did end up getting pitocin, I still wouldn’t have to stay in bed, even though I’d have to have continuous monitoring, because she could get me a telemetery monitor.

Tiatia and I walked laps around the labor and delivery floor for the next couple of hours. During contractions he would hold me and I would lean against him and try to relax. Sometimes I would take a break by sitting on the birth ball. When we were walking, Mindy stopped us and told us that she had a different doctor backing her up than she usually has, and this guy was more intervention-minded and not as familiar with the way she does things. He wanted her to start me on pitocin right away, and she knew he would want that, and that’s why she had taken a while to get to the hospital that morning, so she could give me as much time as she could to progress on my own. After my reaction to the idea of pitocin, she had told him that waiting six hours is just the way she does it. She said that with her usual doctors, she can get twelve hours, but she wasn’t going to push it with this guy. That meant I had until 1:15 to make progress, and then we had to do the pitocin.

At 1:15, I had still not progressed, despite all the walking I was doing. I was desperate to avoid the pitocin, and wearing myself out even more because of it. We also tried some natural oxytocin stimulation, but it didn’t seem to do much. Mindy told me that because the break in my membranes was high up, there was still a bag of waters between the baby’s head and my cervix, so she was going to rupture it. I agreed, since my water was already broken. I wish she would have offered to do that earlier, or that she had given me more time after that to progress on my own, but they hooked me up to the IV and got the pitocin started right after that. Mindy had explained that she uses pitocin very gently, starting with the lowest dose and gradually increasing if necessary, and that if my cervix starts to change, she could turn it off and see how I would continue on my own.

Well, they gave me the lowest dose, and I immediately threw up and started feeling very intense contractions, much closer together. I was still in the bed, and the nurse pushed on my knees during the contraction, which helped. She taught Tiatia how to do it, so he pushed on my knees for the next few contractions. Then somebody suggested I get on the birth ball, which I did. I found I could get through the contractions by bouncing and breathing deeply to the rhythm of the bouncing (in-bounce-bounce-bounce, out-bounce-bounce bounce). Tiatia sat behind me and bounced me with his hands so I didn’t have to use my legs to bounce. Between the contractions, they wanted me to lean back against him so they could get good readings on the baby’s heartbeat. I was fine leaning back, but then when the contractions started, I had to pull myself upright, which was a bit annoying. I think Tiatia may have asked me if I wanted my music, but I said no because I was very focused on what I was doing and music seemed like it would be a distraction, but I wish now that I had listened to it. I think it would have helped me relax and take my mind off the pain.

Tiatia suggested the tub at one point, and that I agreed to. Mindy was sitting with us most of this time, helping me breathe. She checked me and found I was still not progressing and said we needed to up the dose of pitocin. I freaked out and said I did not want her to that it hurt and I couldn’t do it. She said she could give me an IV med to take the edge off, and I said that if I got in the water and it didn’t help, I wanted something. They went ahead and increased the pitocin, and I got in the tub. The water helped a little, but not enough. I think that, psychologically, knowing I was getting more pitocin made everything worse.

Mindy called Tiatia out of the bathroom to talk to him. He came in and told me that I was doing so well, but we still had a long way to go and I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep and dealing with contractions for so long. He said that the back up doctor wanted to do a c-section for failure to progress if I didn’t show change by 6:00 pm. I think it was almost 4:00 by this point. He said that if I got an epidural, I’d be able to rest up for the pushing, which rest Mindy felt I really needed. With an epidural, they could also increase the pitocin as much as they needed to get labor really going. I agreed to the epidrual because I didn’t want to deal with the pitocin contractions anymore, I really did not want a c-section, and I just wanted my baby to be here.

It was tough to deal with the contractions until the anesthesiologist got there. I had given up the idea of doing it unmedicated, so I wanted the pain to be over. My mother-in-law got there after they sent for the anesthesiologist. She coached me on relaxing, and was so sweet, but I had given up. She had wanted to be there earlier, but she had to translate in Tahitian for the funeral of President Hinckley. I got out of the tub and got back on the birth ball for a while. I asked Mindy to check me before I got the epidural to see how far I got on my own. She said it was about 3 cm. Then the anesthesiologist got there. While he was setting up, I sat on the bed and Tiatia looked into my eyes and told me I was doing great.

I was happy with the epidural because it did not make me completely numb, but I couldn’t feel the pain from the contractions. The epidural was on my left side, so I had to lay on my right side to get it to spread to the right. They told me about the button that would give me more if I needed it, but said that if I suddenly started feeling something, to tell them before I pushed it so they could check me, because starting to feel something usually means you’ve made progress. They also put in a catheter and an internal contraction monitor, so they could know how strong the contractions were to better judge how much pitocin to use.

About an hour later, Mindy checked me and I was 4 cm, which was a change, but Mindy later told me it wasn’t as big of a change as she expected. I switched over to my left side. I think there was a reason (besides that it was comfortable for me) but I don’t remember. Tiatia got me the iPod and I listened to my music and dosed. Then I started feeling the contractions on the right side of my belly again, so I called the nurses and told them. Mindy came and checked me again, and now I can’t remember how many cm she said I was, but it was a big change—7 cm, I think. She had me change back over to my right side and said I should push the epidural button.

I rested some more, and then I started feeling pressure. I also noticed that my heart was racing. The nurse came in to check on me and I told her all of this. We figured the racing heart was just excitement. She told Mindy about the pressure, and she came and checked me again and I was 9 and a half cm. The next time she checked, there was still a little lip of cervix on my right side. My mother-in-law came in and had me concentrate on opening my birth canal during the contractions. Once the lip was gone, it was time to push. It was about 9:00 pm when I started pushing. Because of the epidural, I had to be in a semi-seated position for pushing, putting my chin to my chest and grabbing my thighs. They coached me to hold my breath and push to a count of 10, three pushes for each contraction. Tiatia supported one leg and the nurse held the other. I watched the progress of her head in the mirror. Mindy massaged and supported my perineum and had me switch to pushing to a count of 5 as Tehani’s head emerged. Then she had me stop pushing and we had a baby at 9:54 pm.

Mindy put our daughter on my stomach. She was having a bit of a hard time breathing, so Mindy clamped the cord (it had slowed, but not stopped) and Tiatia cut it, and they took her to the warmer so they could suction her and drain her lungs. Then they did all the procedures, weighed her and all of that, and wrapped her up and gave her to Tiatia. He and his mom took pictures of her. The placenta was delivered, and Mindy was stitched me up. I tore in three places, but they were all not very bad tears. My left labium was a tough stitch job because it was torn on both sides, but Mindy did great with it. She said I stretched great and that next time I give birth, I probably won’t tear at all. Tiatia brought me the baby and I got to nurse her soon after.

I am disappointed that I didn’t get the birth I hoped for, that I “gave in” and got the epidural. When Mindy came to see me the next day, she told me it is okay to morn the loss of the birth I wanted and was very understanding about it. She hated that she had felt it was necessary to suggest pain medication. I told her I was sad about it, but I really felt like I had made the best decision I could under the circumstances. I was exhausted and couldn’t do the pitocin anymore at that point. I also said I would choose a vaginal birth with an epidural over a c-section. She said she didn’t want it to seem like she was threatening me with a c-section to scare me into getting the epidural, but the possibility of a c-section was something we had to deal with considering the doctor who was backing her up that day. Mindy told me she was impressed at how prepared I was, and said that sometimes being prepared can work against you, as it did for me and the pitocin.

Our little girl is a beautiful baby and we love her very much. I didn’t get my perfect birth, but I got my perfect baby.