The Gift of Giving Life release date and giveaway

I am excited to learn that the release date for the book, The Gift of Giving Life, has been announced for November 1, 2011! Although I came into the project a little late in the process of its creation, I have submitted some content which may be used in it. I am very passionate about the subject matter of this book, and so excited to see its publishing becoming a reality. I will be meeting Felice Austin, the leader of the book project and writer of the blog, when I go to the Hypnobabies Instructor training this month--we are going to be roommates! I am excited to meet her in person and discuss our common interests. Click here to learn how you can enter to win a copy of the book!

Becoming the Mother God Wants Me to Be

Mother and three children, By François Louis Lanfant, dit Lanfant de Metz (1814–1892) (http://www.zeller.de/) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I have had some challenging times in the past few weeks since I found out I am pregnant. I have been lucky to not have morning sickness, which I know is a huge blessing. At the time I found out, I was nursing a 13 month old, basically still on demand (have been working on cutting him back a little), and I think nursing has really contributed to the first trimester fatigue, which has, at times, been overwhelming. I feel like if I'm having this hard of a time taking care of two kids while pregnant, how am I ever going to take care of thee kids? I've also been moodier this pregnancy than in my previous ones. I feel like I'm not even the same person anymore, like my body gets taken over by a really mean person, and I am not being the mother I want to be.

I am constantly reminded that I can't do this alone. I have thought a lot about this verse:

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

I feel that God wants me to have this baby, so He will also provide a way to make me stronger so that I can handle the challenges of this pregnancy and adjusting to a new baby. In the April 2011 General Conference (which I found out I was pregnant the day before), I was very affected by the words by the talk What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be? by Lynn G. Robbins. He discusses how parenting provides opportunities for parents to teach their children Christlike attributes and for parents to develop their own Christlike qualities. I want to read this talk over and over again because this is the kind of parent I want to be. So much of it applies to me, but I want to share this quote:

A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?

Although my current situation is not about struggles with one of my children's personalities, it helps me to remember that my goal is to become a more Christlike parent. I believe that the Lord has lessons to teach me, and this pregnancy is an opportunity for him to help me learn to have more patience, self-control, and love as a parent, not only when it is easy to do so, but also when it is very, very hard. If I am paying attention to His lessons, I hope that all my experiences in parenting, especially the challenging ones, will help me become the kind of woman and mother He wants me to be.

the Women in the Scriptures blog is having a giveaway

Visit Women in the Scriptures to see how you can enter to win some really cool prizes. The blogger, Heatherlady, is a collaborator on the book, The Gift of Giving Life. She is a mother and a doula. Her posts explore the lives of scriptural women in depth and she also writes quite a bit about birth.

We are Daughters: my guest post at the Gift of Giving Life

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to a guest post I wrote for The Gift of Giving Life called We Are Daughters: Preparing Young Women for Pregnancy and Childbirth about how key parts of the Young Women program in the LDS church apply to pregnancy and birth. The story behind the post is quite amazing. Felice (aka Mother Earth) and I both feel that this is something that should be shared with Young Women, so please share it with the Young Women or Young Women leaders you know.

Spirituality of my Birth Experiences

Some blogs I read have mentioned the recent Lamaze press release, New Data Show Connection Between Childbirth and Spirituality. After my second birth, I was introduced to The Gift of Giving Life, a blog that explores the spirituality of childbirth in depth, and focuses primarily on women who are Latter-day Saints like me. I kind of thought that I didn't really have spiritual birth experiences because I didn't write about my births in a spiritual context when I wrote my birth stories, but with some more thought, I recognized that there were things about both that were very spiritually significant for me, and I'd like to write about them here.

I don't think I realized it at the time, but it is likely that the Lord led me on my quest of knowledge during my first pregnancy. The motto for BYU, the church-owned university I attended, is "The glory of God is intelligence" (from D&C 93:36). I believe that my desire to find greater knowledge and truth about birth was directed by the Spirit, since all light and truth come from God. Looking at it now, it's hard to see how the Lord could not be involved in such a drastic transformation.

My first birth itself had some very spiritual moments. I remember feeling kind of sad after the epidural was in because it wasn't what I planned, though I realize that, under the circumstances, it was really a blessing that I could get the epidural and get some rest. I listened to my iPod after I got the epidural, and chose at that time to listen to a collection of instrumental arrangements of hymns by Lex De Azevedo. I remember the soothing music giving me peace and helping me sleep despite my conflicted feelings about the situation. Because the birth took place on a Saturday at a small hospital, we got our pick of the rooms on the floor, and chose the one with a great view of the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. There are large windows in the maternity rooms, and the drapes were open when I gave birth at 9:52 pm and the temple was all lit up. I looked at the window while I held my daughter on my belly with the cord still attached, the delivery lights in the darkened room lit us up in the glass, and the temple glowed on the other side. I think it will be very special to tell my daughter that she was born under the glow of the temple.

Mt. Timpanogos Temple at night (source: wikipedea commons)

During my second pregnancy, I did some journaling, and in explaining why I wanted a natural birth, it came together to me that I feel that God designed the birth process with perfection, and that interference in the process causes trouble. I realized, while studying Hypnobabies, that the Lord has given us everything we need to create comfortable childbirth within our own minds and bodies. I found ways to tie the Hypnobabies philosophies in with my religious beliefs and even found some hymns that had the word "peace" (a cue used for comfort in Hypnobabies) in them. I thought it would be a nice option to have hymns to sing during my birthing time. I didn't end up doing that, but tying the hypnosis tools to a religious idea was good for me.

During my second birth, I did not think much about spiritual matters. I focused on listening to my Hypnobabies tracks and using my hypnosis techniques. For much of my first stage, I feel Hypnobabies helped the atmosphere be more reverent because it kept me calm. Second stage was very intense, but the sudden change from feeling overwhelmed by the intensity to the complete joy of having my baby in my hands and knowing I had done it was very similar to how some people describe spiritual events like conversion or repentance/forgiveness.

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus ^aracked with torment, while I was ^bharrowed up by the ^cmemory of my many sins, behold, I ^dremembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, ^ahave mercy on me, who am ^bin the ^cgall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting ^dchains of ^edeath.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my ^apains ^bno more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what ^ajoy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.
(Alma 36:17-20)

This passage from the Book of Mormon illustrates being "born again," which I think may be just as much like giving birth as it is like being born (the latter is something I'd like to explore more in a future post). I saw, in giving birth naturally, a metaphor for what it feels like when we allow Christ to take our burdens. Although I didn't recognize it at the time, this was something I learned a lot spiritually by experiencing.

I believe that all pregnancy and birth is spiritual. It involves working with God to bring a new soul into this life so that an individual can progress on the path to exaltation. It is the expanding of a family unit and, in the case of first births, it is the moment when people become parents. These are very spiritually significant things. I feel we can make birth more of a spiritual experience for us if we try, and I hope to do so even more with my future pregnancies and births.

In honor of International Day of the Midwife

In addition to being the day Mexico celebrates their independence, May 5 is also International Day of the Midwife. In honor of the day, I'd like to share the link to the story of Puah and Shiphrah (from the book of Exodus) on Heatherlady's Women in the Scriptures blog. I love how the midwives in the story couldn't go against their divine responsibility to protect mothers and babies, even if it meant going against Pharaoh's orders.

I credit the nurse-midwife I had for my daughter's birth with helping me avoid an unnecesarian.

Does anyone have any good midwife stories to share?

Birth Attendant as Lifeguard

Clarification: I use the term "birth attendant" here to describe a maternity care provider such as a physician or midwife, not a doula. I don't often use this term, but I must have subconsciously chosen to use it while writing this post because it is most appropriate for the role I was trying to describe, the midwifery model's idea of a caregiver who "attends births" rather than "delivers babies."

Since writing my last post about lessons from the freebirth movement, I have been thinking more about the roles of birth attendants. A guest post at The Gift of Giving Life (one of my favorite blogs) written by Heatherlady called On Cows and Chickens, got me thinking even more.

I believe that women are created to be able to birth their babies. I have read a lot about how hormones control birth and how negative emotions affect hormones and thus interfere with birth. I think that when a birth attendant interferes with the delicately balanced natural process of birth, they risk doing more harm than good. And interfering can probably happen easier than we sometimes realize.

People who believe strongly in the natural process of birth, including unassisted birthers, often compare birth to other normal activities that have some small level of risk associated with them, such as driving a car, playing a sport, etc. They argue that we don't need immediate access to medical technology while doing these things, so we shouldn't need it for birth.

My husband hates analogies because people sometimes use things that are not similar enough to make a good comparison, and I often agree (for example, unmedicated childbirth is not like getting teeth drilled and has nothing to do with hitting yourself with a hammer). However, occasionally, I find a good anaolgy. One such analogy, which I originally got from the Hypnobabies program, compares the birth attendant to a lifeguard.

Although birthing is instinctual and swimming is a learned behavior for humans, there are still a lot of similarities between the two. Swimming is an everyday activity, and the risk of drowning is quite low. The website for the International Life Saving Foundation(ILS) cites a drowning rate of 1.2 million people per year. Worldwide, swimming is statistically safer than childbirth, as the World Health Organization statistics from 2005 give a stillbirth rate of about 3.3 million, and a neonatal death rate (during the first 28 days of life) of over 4 million (WHO World Health Report). Worldwide maternal mortality for 2005 was 536,000 (WHO maternal mortality)

Most people who know how to swim feel confident and comfortable doing so freely without immediate access to medical technology. We are cautious with our young children, for whom the risk of death is greater ( the ILS website states that children make up more than 50% of drowning victims). But with the proper precautions (such as careful supervision and use of flotation devices), swimming can be safe and enjoyable for young children as well.

Despite the relative safety of swimming, we have people trained to attempt to make it safer. According to the ILS website:

The terms “lifesaver” and “lifeguard” are used around the world to describe individuals with special training who are stationed to prevent accidents and to respond to life-threatening emergencies in the aquatic environment.

My older brother used to work summers as a lifeguard at one of the community pools in the area we lived. His job involved watching swimmers to make sure they were safe and reminding them the rules that would could protect them from danger (things like no running, no diving in the shallow end, and making sure the area below the diving board is clear before diving). He had special training and certifications for the job, and was paid for it. Life guarding is often over-dramatized in movies and television, where they are always jumping in to save people and doing CPR. My brother never had to rescue anyone, he mostly sat on his tower all day and worked on his tan, but he could have saved someone if he needed to.

The ILS website estimates that those trained in their lifesaving skills make over 1 million rescues a year. Considering the drowning rate of 1.2 million per year, that means they cause a significant reduction. Parents who take their children to a pool with a lifeguard might feel some assurance knowing that there is an extra layer of safety there--an extra pair of eyes watching for danger, someone who is trained in rescue swimming and has current CPR certification.

I like to think of a good birth attendant as being like a lifeguard. They are specially trained professionals who have the skills to save lives when things go wrong. Occasionally, they may remind a birthing mom to breathe deeply or help her relax, but mostly they should sit and watch for signs of problems. "Watching" could possibly include a variety of things (checking hearttones, recognizing pathological labors, checking for tears, monitoring blood loss, ect.), but it should not include routine unnecessary medical intervention (e.g. elective induction, IV drips, pitocin augmentation, artificial rupture of membranes, etc), telling the mother how to birth her baby, or making decisions for her. In the event that there are complications, birth attendants can save lives (by helping get shoulders unstuck, giving pitocin for bleeding, resuscitating an oxygen-deprived newborn, ect.) much like a lifeguard, but if lifeguards were to jump in and pull people out of the water who didn't need saving, they would likely interfere with people learning to swim on their own and ruin people's swimming experiences.