The Trap of Idealizing the Quiet Birther (Part 3)

Last April, I wrote a short Birth Idealization Traps series.  I would actually like to continue that series now, with  some new perspective on The Trap of Idealizing the Quiet Birther (Click to read Part 1 and Part 2) that I gained from my third birth.

In my third birth, my midwives acted as lifeguards, watching carefully (using some technology as tools to assist in watching) to make sure nothing pathological was happening, and encouraging me to do some preventative measures due to the risk factor of pre-labor rupture of membranes.  Because of PROM, risk of infection was a good reason to limit/avoid cervical checks, and it turns out that there wasn't any reason to do them. 

My midwives saw no need to check to "make sure I was complete" before pushing.  They encouraged me to follow my instincts and push only when I had no other choice but to push.  I instinctively bore down at the peaks of the pressure waves for a while, until I felt an unmistakable urge to push.  "Urge" isn't even the right word.  "Takeover" describes it better.  I couldn't do anything but push.

Like I suspected when I wrote my other two posts, during my third birth, I was, in fact, a very vocal pusher.  Unlike in my second birth, I was not told to hold my breath and put my chin to my chest to push.  In following my instincts, I did not hold my breath or curl my head forward.  I opened my mouth and let sound escape my body, and boy, did it!  Watching the video now, I am even a little surprised with how loud I was.  I have some technical difficulties with my digital camcorder (I think I need software to load the video, but I must have lost the CD), so I don't have the video to share, but believe me when I say I was LOUD. And no, I was not screaming in pain.  Hypnobabies was absolutely working for me.  There may have been some pain when I lost my rhythm in reaction to changes in how things felt as my body first began pushing, but I experienced the sensations of my baby emerging as mostly stretching and fullness, and  I did not experience burning or a "ring of fire" sensation at crowning.  It was really like I couldn't help making noise.  It was what came naturally to me, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.  

The Trap of Idealizing the Quiet Birther (part 2)

I think it is a common misconception that a goal of using hypnosis is to have a quiet birth. I think many natural birthers are quieter using hypnosis than they would be without it. Partly I think this is because they often experience less pain because of the high endorphin levels they are able to create for themselves. I think many women not using hypnosis get too caught up in pain and tension to get to a place where they can birth in a focused state that may be natural for them. Sometimes, the screaming or moaning is a response to pain (and its not a bad response, if the woman finds it helpful), but not always. I have read many birth stories where Hypnobabies mamas have said that they reassured their birth companions that the noises they were making were not because of pain. Less pain may often equal less noise, but it does not always equal no noise.

The clear impression I got when I was studying Hypnobabies is that instinctive vocalization is good if it helps you. They actually call the type of pushing they advocate "Gentle Ahhhh Pushing," which is not the"Breathing the Baby Out" that I read about in Hypnobirthing by Marie Mongan (which I, for one, find confusing) nor is it the provider-directed prolonged breath holding of the Valsalva("purple pushing") method. Hypnobabies advocates pushing when and as long as feels right, and says that your instincts will guide you to you use breathing, vocalizing, holding your breath, or some combination of these. The Hypnobabies materials explain that many women instinctively vocalize with an "ahhhhh" sound when they start to feel their babies moving down. This is what I did, and having read that, I was not afraid to do so.

Hypnobabies actually doesn't teach that being quiet is the only way to have a good birth, but I think there may be some contribution to the idealization of quiet birth with the videos that are used to promote it. While videos of quiet birthers do a good job of showing one type of birth that is possible with hypnosis (and I believe possibly more common with hypnosis than without it), they may not necessarily show the whole spectrum of what a good birth with hypnosis can look like. I looked through the Hypnobabies birth videos that I could find online. A few did not include video of pushing (totally understandable if the video shows the baby emerging and you don't want your "bits" on the internet!). Of those that did, there were some where the mama was mostly quiet during pushing, but they were not all like that.

Sierra's Hypnobabies Homebirth video shows her "ahhh" moaning transforming into a powerful roar as the baby is born, and is beautiful.

I think that if I had the freedom to follow my body's instincts instead of being instructed to not push and later, to hold my breath, I can see how making birthing sounds similar to Sierra's would likely have come quite naturally to me. I hope that when I am a Hypnobabies instructor, that I will be able to help my students know that being loud (or having the expulsive reflex trigger an "out of control" feeling, like I talked about in Part 1) is not failure. I want then to know that what happens to your body when you give birth is incredibly powerful. While for some women, the best way to respond to the power may be to be quiet and focused the whole time, others may find at some point that it helps to release some of the power with their voices (I would be surprised if I am not one of these!), and this is okay. In fact, it is more than okay. It is another wonderful way to give birth.

The Trap of Idealizing the Quiet Birther (part 1)

Rachel, a midwife in Australia who writes the blog, Midwife Thinking, recently shared her thoughts on the habit our society has of Judging Birth. I really liked the second section where she talked about judging birth choices. My last post, The Trap of Idealizing the Intervention-free Birth covers some of the same ideas. I also generally agree with the ideas of the part about judging women's behavior in birth, though at first I wasn't sure I did. As I was looking through the comments on the post, I came across this:

I find the general rule of thumb for making noise has to do with a woman’s sexual style. If she is a noisy lovemaking person, then chances are it will feel natural for her to express herself loudly while in labour. If she is a quiet lovaking [sic] person, then she will follow suit when she is in labour. We birth in accordance with the way that we live.

My reaction was, "There are really women who can be quiet during sex?" (I guess that shows what my "sexual style" is!) At first, I didn't think this rule of thumb applied to me, because, using Hypnobabies, I was rather quiet. But then I remembered that wasn't exactly true. I began to spontaneously vocalize as I felt the pressure of my baby beginning to come down. I wasn't moaning in pain, it actually felt better to make noise, and I remember saying so. I was also very vocal while trying to wait for the cervical lip to move.

At first, I was a bit put off by a mention in the post of feelings of failure caused by "childbirth preparation programs aimed at learning how to be quiet and in control during birth" and some more direct implications of hypnosis for childbirth by some people in the comments. I went back to the post later and saw some new comments and a discussion between Rachel and a mom who used Hypnobabies that clarified some things. Here is part of one of Rachel's comments.

You did something based on your prior birth experience that worked for you… an individual… which may, or may not work for another woman. There is nothing wrong with learning to relax during birth with the help of breathing or any other technique. These techniques are extremely helpful for many women. However, if they become prescriptive and women feel like that is the only way, or that they must not lose control then they can cause harm. As you found in your own experience the techniques can work up to a point for some women. You did not worry that your body took over at the end of labour. However I know some women how consider their body taking over at the end as a failure to remain in control. It makes me sad when women express disappointment because they ‘lost it’ just at the end.

I also had a "losing it" experience at the end of my birth with hypnosis. I still attribute some of that feeling to confusion about not knowing whether to listen to the instructions on pushing (and on "not pushing yet") or to try to do what I had learned about in Hypnobabies and my own research. However, I now realize that it is highly possible that the panic, that feeling like I was drowning, at the very end might just be the way birth happens for me. That sudden "swept under" feeling might be just what I needed to...push me into pushing, I guess. I don't think it is that way for everyone. But it being that way for me doesn't mean there was anything wrong with me or with my level of preparation. It doesn't mean that I failed to use hypnosis correctly during that part of my birth. I had kind of hoped that I would be able to "calmly breathe the baby out" thing with my next birth, but maybe I will and maybe I won't. If I don't, then maybe that is the way it needs to be for me.

My thoughts will continue in Part 2.