Sunday, April 10, 2011

How to get your partner on board with your birth plan

So, you want to change maternity care providers but your husband doesn't understand why you should go through the trouble? You want a natural birth, but your husband says, "why have pain when you don't have to?" You want to write a birth plan, but he thinks it is disrespectful to tell professionals how to do their jobs? You want to hire a doula but your husband doesn't see the benefit? Or maybe you want to give birth at home or in a birth center, but he thinks you should just go to the hospital like "everyone else"?

Here are a few ideas that might help him see why this matters to you:
  • Get him to read a book, such as The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth or maybe a selected article or blog post, such as Dr. Sarah Buckley's Epidurals: risks and concerns for mother and baby or Navelgazing Midwife's Pointless Hospital "Rituals".
  • If he is the kind of guy who doesn't like to read, have him watch a birth documentary with you. Some possibilities are The Business of Being Born and Pregnant in America.
  • Set up a meeting for the two of you with the midwife or doula you would like to hire. She may be able to address some of his concerns.
  • Get him to take a childbirth class with you. Choose a class that covers the benefits and risks of your various options, rather than one that only teaches what is standard practice at the hospital.
  • Sit him down and have a heart-to-heart. Explain how much your baby's birth matters to you and why you want to be involved in the decisions about it.
I hope he becomes the supportive partner you want him to be. Or at the very least, he will decide to just leave the choices up to you and go along with it. Good luck!


  1. TALKING is key. Took me years to get my husband to back me 100% on my birth wishes. As soon as you want to make a change talk-time often helps when all else fails.

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