My Son's Magical Birth Story

My son is one year old today! In the spirit of Pam England's #2 Way to Change Birth in Our Culture, I wrote a magical birth story for my daughter last month to celebrate her 3rd birthday. I decided to also write one for my son to celebrate his birth today.

My Son's Magical Birth Story

After we moved to a new state while I was pregnant with you, I found a really great obstetrician, Dr. I, who I knew would help us have the best birth possible. I was really looking forward to your birth, as I used Hypnobabies to prepare to have a gentle birth without having to use medication. The first time I listened to the Hypnobabies Special Place relaxation track, you became very active in the womb and I knew you wanted me to know you were your own unique spirit who would bring something special to our family.

The day before you were born, I felt a need to get the house ready for you, so I did some cleaning. When I woke up from taking a nap with your sister that afternoon, I began to feel the pressure waves telling me you were on your way to meet us. I listened to the Special Place track again and you moved a lot again during it and I felt very connected to you.

As your father drove me to the hospital late that night, it was cold, but clear out. Dr. I and our nurse Dianne did a wonderful job creating a calm atmosphere in the room where you would be born, just like I wanted. My womb was very close to completely opened when we arrived in the room. The water that surrounded you in the womb came out of the birth canal not long before you did. Your father's kisses helped me relax so that I could open the last bit I needed to for you to come out. You were truly born into a room full of love. With no medication numbing me, I felt very deeply "in the moment" as you came into the world into the hands of Dr. I. Before you were even all the way out, I reached down and grabbed you under your arms and pulled you up to me so that I could hold you. I was so happy you were here and so proud of myself for having a drug-free birth. Your dad did such an amazing job supporting me while I gave birth to you. He was so excited and proud to meet his first born son. You looked at him like you knew him already.

I hope you will learn from the example shown you by your father of how to love a wife, and grow up to be just as wonderful of a husband and father as he is.

I love you, my Little Man, Happy First Birthday!

Photo by Jordan and Chelsea (JCPhotography, Utah)

Three years ago today...

...I gave birth for the first time. That's right, my baby girl is three years old today. We are doing the celebration with a little party with a few friends on Saturday. I have spent a lot of time thinking and writing about her birth over the past three years--trying to understand exactly what happened and why it happened, how I felt and what caused me to feel that way. I even wrote a very extensive paper about it for my doula training course. In the end, I realize that it really was a good birth. Would I do some things differently if I were doing it all again with the knowledge I have now? Yes. But what happened is what happened and it was really not bad. I really was not adequately prepared for labor and I think that even without the pitocin, I would have needed to re-evaluate my plans for unmedicated birth when I got into active labor. I really believe that.

Pam England, author of Birthing From Within, has a blog called Birth Peeps. Her current theme for her blog is Fifty Ways to Change Birth in Our Culture. Change #2 was Tell Children A Magical Story of Their Birth, and I really love the idea.

So, here is my daughter's magical birth story:

I wanted to have the best chance at a great birth for you, so I switched to a group of midwives late in my pregnancy. I was supposed to try to see all the midwives at least once before you were born, but through some random chances, I ended up seeing, one midwife, Mindy, a lot more than any of the others. I think our Heavenly Father knew that you would be born when it was Mindy's turn to be at the hospital, and it was a blessing that she knew us as well as she did.

The night you were born was very dark and there was snow on the ground outside. Your dad and your Grandma were there in the room. The room had a big window with a view of the Mt. Timpanogos temple, which was all lit up. The curtains were open, and the light from the House of God guided you into the world.

When it was time for you to be born, my womb opened and you came down my birth canal and into midwife Mindy's hands. She put you on my belly. I was so happy you were here. I looked at the window, and I saw the reflection of me holding you, while the temple glowed in the distance. I pray that the Lord's Holy House will always be your guiding light.

I love you, Princess, Happy Birthday!

Photo 12/23/2010 by JC Photography

Discovering and Celebrating Female Fertility

One commenter on my Progesterone post mentioned that she loved how Toni Weschler's book taught her that there is so much more to the female cycle than just menstruation. I also loved this about the book. I explained to my husband that I agreed with Weschler's assessment of our society's current ways of teaching women about our bodies. I know I looked at menstruation with fear and shame as a young girl. In fact, when I told my mother about my first menstural period, she congratulated me and told me it was wonderful. I thought that was awkward. It didn't feel wonderful to me because I was never taught what was so wonderful about it. I plan to have it be different for my daughter.

When one of my peers asked about it in the class about puberty at school, we were told that the non-blood secretions from the vagina were "bacterial discharge"--sounds nasty. How I wish we could have been taught by someone who knew the truth--that the white/clear stuff is actually a fluid produced by the cervix in response to normal hormonal changes during the cycle. Of course, going into specifics about how observing it for pregnancy achievement or birth control would not be appropriate for this age group, but now seeing the ignorance of those who were supposed to be teaching us about our bodies, I can't help but feel a bit betrayed.

For some great suggestions and links about celebrating your daughters becoming women, see The Menarche at Bellies and Babies.

I also wanted to share a few links for some great online resources about fertility charting:

The Beautiful Cervix Project offers some cool pictures to supplement study of Fertility Awareness. It started with a woman using FAM for birth control sharing the photos she took of her cervix each day of her cycle, documenting the changes in it along with the other fertility signs she charted. The site has now expanded to include many different types of cervix pictures.

And here are a few sites that currently offer free charting software:

• Taking Charge of Your Fertility
• Pregnancy.org's BBT charting tool
• Fertility Friend

Passing knowledge on to the next generation

Photo by Jordan Gillespie.

This is a photo of four generations of women (left to right: my daughter, me, my mother, and my grandmother) taken at my grandparents' 50th wedding Anniversary this summer.

I've been thinking about how sometimes our choices impact future generations. There has been a lot of talk about circumcision lately, due to reports that the circumcision rate has dropped drastically over the past four years. The vulnerability of circumcised men is one of the reasons that circumcision has been perpetuated from generation to generation in America.

Interestingly, both my husband's and my parents, having children in the '80s when the circumcision rates in the U.S. were somewhere around 80%, broke with this particular tradition. After recently reading an article that discussed how circumcision affects sexuality, I feel that I am lucky that my mother-in-law chose to stick with what was normal in the culture she grew up in, regardless of the culture she was living in at the time. My in-laws' decision made the decision to keep our son intact very easy. The more people stop circumcision in their own families, the faster the custom of non-religious routine infant circumcision will end, since circumcised adult males are some of the biggest propagators of circumcision myths, (for reasons explained in the piece on vulnerability linked above).

I've been thinking about other things mothers can do to benefit future generations. My own mother had a beautiful birth journey. Her first was born by induction for term PROM (sound familiar?) with an epidural and forceps. She had hoped to avoid interventions because she didn't have health insurance, but she was birthing at a hospital and with a doctor both still known for being very medical model (and her doctor was still praciting when I had my daughter in that same town, though I went to a different hospital). Her other three she was able to have less medicalized experiences, using shots of narcotics for two of them and having a drug free birth with her fourth and final birth. Her two youngest were caught by nurse-midwives.

I did not know any of this until I was about 7 to 8 months pregnant with my first and told my parents I had decided I wanted a natural birth and was considering switching to a group of nurse-midwives. My mom had never mentioned her birth experiences to me. I never knew she'd had a bad experience with an induction and epidural or that she had a natural birth. I would have been nice to have grown up knowing that natural childbirth was not something to be feared, that there were women who still "do" natural childbirth, and my mother is one of them. I don't begrudge the journey I've taken myself, it is part of what feeds my fire, but I have a dream for my own children.

My dream is that my daughter (and any sisters that may come along) will grow up knowing that birth is not something she needs to fear--I hope she will know that her experiences giving birth matter, that birth can be a special experience for a woman. I hope that she will respect the amazing power her body to create life, and to celebrate it.

I hope my son (and any brothers that may come along) will understand the importance of supporting his future wife's intuition and helping her find her inner strength in her preparation for the births of their children

"Mothers who have fears also hand down fearful attitudes about birth to daughters--and to every other woman who will listen. But each woman who gains the confidence to birth as unhindered or freely as her biological circumstances will allow--she will go on to encourage her sisters and daughters with birth words and images which resound with all the potential strength and beauty of birth." --Jan Tritten

If not my children, perhaps my grandchildren, will live in a world where fear of birth is not the dominant attitude; a society where the medical world provides support and back-up for the natural process of childbirth; a world where all women are confident in their ability to give birth.


(to learn more about circumcision and intact males, see birthnaturally.org's consumer information on circumcision and peaceful parenting's prepuce and circumcision resources)